will maxwell
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Location: Armagh, N.I.
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Prayers Please
This past three years, around this time of year, for some unknown reason my father seems to get really depressed. Last year we thought it was because the springtime workload had got on top of him, but this year it seems to be starting again prior to all that work beginning.
Dad is on various anti-depressants, we can only hope and pray that this year the effects are not too much. We considered selling the entire herd last year, but we now realise that a large scale sale wouldn't help, infact it would probably make things worse!
I'm not even sure if me being at home full time would help, as many of you know I'd give up office work in the morning to go milking cows, regardless of Dad's health! I'm torn between the security of office work, hateful and all as it is, and the deep rooted desire to go home and farm.
For now though I ask you all to pray for a healing touch for Dad (Wesley Maxwell) that he might get the strength and encouragement he needs to get through the next few weeks and months, and that he might soon get back to full mental health and be my 'Auld Man' again. Thank-you
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Farming is the oldest JOB in the world, too many people seem to have it confused with the oldest PROFESSION!
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28/2/2008, 0:24
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moore
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Re: Prayers Please
Will, the mind is a very strange and yet wonderful thing. You have done a good thing sharing your situation with us, so far i have been spared any thing similar but you never know what may lie ahead of any of us; there is quite likely someone here who knows what your family is going through and can understand.
The prayer triplet group i am in is meeting tonight and you will be brought before God there and on more times in the future.
Psalm 145 Vs14 "The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down".
Ours is an irish trplet theres 4 of us!!
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28/2/2008, 13:31
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Grasshill
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…
I agree with broa.
There aren't any right words or easy fixes, but unconditional love and support and just listening (when he wants to talk)... that can really help.
That you would consider quitting your job to be with him probably means more to him than anything, but if you did leave your office to help him on the farm would he feel that guilt on top of everything? I don't know.
It's amazing... when he does start to feel better he'll appreciate it all so much more, having the dark times to compare it to. People take their happiness for granted too often -- they shouldn't.
For yourself, it sounds impossible but try not to worry too much. Knowing that you are happy and doing well is probably the best thing in the world for him.
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28/2/2008, 18:12
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igen7
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…
will
I understand what you father is feeling i was there in 1991 and it was not easy
The prayers and support of many friends was very helpful It was the small things such as the kind words of acceptence from others that helped me and in the end i can look back with thankfulness at what i learnt People who walk this road are to be admired for their courage
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28/2/2008, 18:29
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dairylands
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Re: Prayers Please
Firstly, I shall pray that your father will improve.
I am in a similar situation myself though every case is unique. I find that there is often no rational nor discernable reason for these conditions of the mind. Therefore external solutions such as you taking up farming may not help.
Your choice of career is a seperate issue and you must decide what is best for you. If you love farming and hate your current job... well I know what I did.
Bear in mind that if you are farming in partnership with your father his depression will effect you, (your wife?) and the running of the farm. It will be far, far more pressure and stress on you.
Last edited by dairylands, 29/2/2008, 10:53
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29/2/2008, 10:12
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broa
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Re: Prayers Please
Dairylands,
I agree that there's no guarantee that an external solution may help but I think it's important to try to create a possitive surrounding. You don't conceive yourself as being irrational and without reason when you're in that dark place, it's just like the sun has stopped shining and there's no more reason to be happy left. anyone in a situation like that will need to find some straw of hope to cling to that he can use to pull himself out of there. this he must do for himself, you can't help him with that part but I believe you need to provide him with a variety of straws and hope he'll find one of them. there's no telling what shape and form the straw needs to be but they all need to be offered with love and care. I also agree it will mean a lot of pressure and stress. sometimes a strong person can pull several others down with him, just like a drowning man. like Grasshill was saying, there's no easy fixes but if it was someone in my family I'd do whatever necessary or die trying, like I'm sure most of you would. hopefully it wont have to come to such a drastic conclusion in this case.
perhaps I'm way of with this, I always tend to think that my own experiences apply to everyone else. igen7 do you recognize any of what I'm talking about?
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Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
Douglas Adams
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29/2/2008, 23:22
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igen7
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Prayers Please
yes Broa
i agree with your approach entirely
a simple thing like riding a bicycle can be a straw to make a difference While my faith was helpful it was the faith and acceptence of friends that really kept me going
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1/3/2008, 0:59
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will maxwell
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Re: Prayers Please
Thanks again one and all! I've been praying for guidance in which direction to go myself in the past few weeks, even before Mum told me that Dad was starting to godownhill again.
I suppose I've been blinded by my own selfish desire to pack in office work in preferance of a REAL job! I hadn't even considered the pressure that might put on Dad, on the contrary, I thought it would help him to have me at home full time to share the workload. If Dad has managed to get to where he is now without my full time help, he'll manage a few years more!!
Dad is 62 this year, so only another three years untill pension age, if we can manage to keep things going fairly smoothly untill then hopefully that might be the time for me to make a move? Or perhaps the Chief Herdsman (Our Heavenly Father) has other ideas?
It's weird the way this thing affects Dad, he was visiting us here last Thrusday evening and seemed to be in great spirits, talking about changing the tractor, buying a new fertiliser sower, generally positive stuff. As I said to Erica, my wife, perhaps thatis him trying to over compensate for how he's really feeling.
Unfortunately today (Saturday) when I would normally be at 'home'on the farm helping out, I'm stuck in Markethill dosed with the cold.... Whoopee!!
Thanks again for the help and support, it's a great comfort to know that there is a network of people from all over the world to help in such a personal situation. Thanks Mark for setting up COWTALK and congratulations on its success.
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Farming is the oldest JOB in the world, too many people seem to have it confused with the oldest PROFESSION!
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1/3/2008, 13:54
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foxleigh
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Prayers Please
mark there is something in that because I found that when I lived in switzerland the skies were grey from nov to march unless one went high into the alps above the cloud cover. and even in the uk it was still grey around easter.tHE GREYNESS IS SO OPPRESSIVE- I personally felt really hemmed in by the sky, the mountains and the buildings - there was no horizon and no feeling of endlessness like we have here.Alternatively I have found that the last 12 months of no rainfall has also created that same greyness everywhere you look,everywhere you go which also is hard on the eyes and heavy on the heart.there is that feeling of just treading water and not moving forward.maybe will's dad could do with a week or 2 away.time away from the daily drudgery does help heal the soul and refresh the energy is what we have found works for us even if it is only staying on another friends dairy,for that matter so does people stay that you dont often see
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2/3/2008, 0:48
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igen7
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Prayers Please
will the idea that you have "opened a can of worms"is precisely the problem that surrounds things like depression
It is important to see depression as a normal emotion which if it becomes too strong can effects us in an adverse way
If we brake a leg we are injured
if we suffer from depression we are also injured but have NOT "opened a can of worms"
I do not mean to be critical but i feel that it is important for us a right prepective on these topics
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8/3/2008, 10:57
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FiringOnAllFour
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Re: Prayers Please
Depression could be one of the most difficult illnesses to cure. I have a considerable and varied experience of depression (including a little of my own), but I wouldn't say I know the cure.
Broa's theory of the patient being the only one who can ultimately resolve the illness works for those who aren't in too deep for too long, and it works for me. For others, it can be an instability over a long period of time that is a matter living with and limiting the effects of as best as possible. Genetics are an underlying influence, brought to the surface by circumstances.
Quite often, depression affects those who have no strong reason to be depressed. It commonly arises out of a loss of perspective - a certain withdrawal from reality. Problems that aren't really problems can become overburdening and disproportionate, and regaining a better balance of perspective is the key to relieving the pain, but difficult to achieve in some circumstances.
I think its very important to help the depressed get a grasp of perspective - lean on the positive points of their life, whats good and what to be thankful for. Demonstrate how no problem is insurmountable, especially with help from friends and God. Step them out of the confined situation that leads to the loss of perspective and show them the bigger picture. Too much time to think is very bad for some people.
An injection of laughter works wonders too.
Last edited by FiringOnAllFour, 8/3/2008, 11:56
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8/3/2008, 11:48
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FiringOnAllFour
Ex97
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Re: Prayers Please
I don't doubt what you say for one moment about it causing a structural change in the brain and the way the hormones work. Which causes which might be up for grabs though.
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9/3/2008, 12:53
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Mayjay
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Re: Prayers Please
There is depression because it rained too much and made you sad, and then there is depression because something has had an adverse effect in your life and you've become mentally unstable. I know several people that suffer from manic depression and are all on medication. It is quite often genetic, and for any that I know, it is for life. Most lead a somewhat normal life, if they recieve proper meds., as you know it is a very difficult time. It becomes a whole different lifestyle for family and friends. From what I can tell, it is often the more inteligent people that are at risk. I suppose I'm safe in this respect. Not to beat around the bush or scare you but, unfortunately there is the risk of suicide with depression. Following your father around all day won't help, lightening the work load will though, as they tend to need plenty of rest. Exhausting the brain can send them spiralling. I may be way off base that your father is this bad, but this is the depression that I know. If you would like more details about the people that I Know and used to know, maybe we can comunicate privately. I attended bible college, I know the power of prayer and support from those that love you can be comforting. Medication had better be thrown in there too. Hugs, Mayjay.
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9/3/2008, 16:53
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classcow
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Prayers Please
GREAT news. Thanks for sharing. I am afirm believer in the power of prayer. I will continue to pray for him.
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13/3/2008, 3:27
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tiffanyoz
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Re: Prayers Please
http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?link_id=&gclid=CLXVi-a2i5ICFRZLYQodekgx-A
Heres a link to a website here in Australia.
Our government runs a program called Beyond Blue
Im glad to here your dad is on the up and up.
He is in my prayers.
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14/3/2008, 2:20
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