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Nighthawk
Purple fan
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Registered: 09-2003
Location: Scotland
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Jokes
Let's face it, we need 'em!!
Here's a duff one to get the ball rolling....
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says " Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Canada and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"
Now I know we can do better..... 
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27/9/2003, 18:58
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David Meadows
The Fountain Of Useless Knowledge
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Registered: 09-2003
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Re: Jokes
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness, and sits in the back of the room drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches him and tells him, "You know, a pint starts going flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I drinks one for each o' me brothers and one for me self."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints.
All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.
"Oh, no. Everyone's fine," he explains, "I joined the Mormon Church and I had to quit drinking."
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29/9/2003, 14:17
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David Meadows
The Fountain Of Useless Knowledge
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Registered: 09-2003
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Re: Jokes
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work in the same office for the same female boss. They notice that their boss always leaves an hour early on a Friday. So they make a plan that next Friday they will also leave early, because of course their boss won't be there to stop them.
Next Friday comes and five minutes after their boss leaves, they all leave too.
The brunette gets home early and spends some relaxing time in the garden.
The redhead gets home early and spends time with her kids.
The blonde gets home early and finds her husband is in bed with her boss!
On Monday morning, the other girls suggest they do the same thing next Friday.
"No way," says the blonde, "I almost got caught the last time!"
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29/9/2003, 15:37
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CaptainKaos
Purple fan
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Registered: 09-2003
Location: look up.....thats me!
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Re: Jokes
A redhead, a brunette and a blonde are returning to the office after lunch. As they walk up the front steps of the office the redhead sees a patch of something gooey on the step.
"Hey - that looks like cum" she says.
The Bruntette bends over, siffs it, and says "hmmmmmmmmmmm and it smells like cum"
the blonde bends, dips a finger in it, lifts it to her lips, and says.......
"well - its no-one from our office"
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29/9/2003, 15:43
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Celtic Legacy
Purple fan
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Registered: 09-2003
Location: Ireland
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Re: Jokes
quote:
An Irishman walks into a bar...
Careful now Meadows, lest you unleash the f**king fury 
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29/9/2003, 15:54
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Trollprincess
Swiss Cheese Grater
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Registered: 09-2003
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Re: Jokes
How cares a woman for her big fat arse? Well, she prepares him a fine sandwich and send him to his work...
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29/9/2003, 16:44
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Trollprincess
Swiss Cheese Grater
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Registered: 09-2003
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Re: Jokes
What's the difference between an oxtail and a tie? The oxtail covers an a***hole wholly... 
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29/9/2003, 17:30
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Lena72
Purple fan
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Registered: 09-2003
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Re: Jokes
A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very bad when the drumming stops."
At the end of the day, the drumming is still going and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.
After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts "What happens when the drumming stops?!!"
"Bass solo."
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29/9/2003, 18:36
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RitchiesHair
Unconvincing Hairpiece
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Registered: 09-2003
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Re: Jokes
The men's room at the European Parliament building....
Three diplomats, (German, Dutch & French), have just finished at the urinals and head over to the sinks. The German takes lots of soap and thoroughly washes his hands whilst saying, "In Germany I learned to be hygienic", the Dutch diplomat thoroughly washes his hands but only uses a little soap and says, "In Holland I learned to be hygienic but I also learned to respect the enviroment", but the French diplomat just walks straight for the door and the other two give him a disgusted look, noticing this he turns back and says, "In France I learned not to piss on my hands".
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29/9/2003, 19:26
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douros
Purple fan
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Registered: 09-2003
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Re: Jokes
Mickey talks with Minnie(maybe this is mispelled)
MICKEY:Minnie I want a divorce.
MINNIE:What?Are you F***ing crazy?
MICKEY:No,I am F***ing Daizy!
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29/9/2003, 23:09
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