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Most assurdly yes!
| 1 votes | | Not if you are indian...
| 0 votes | | by sodium benzoate
| 1 votes | | death by ass bleed
| 8 votes | | | Total: 10 voters. Total votes: 10. Max items per vote allowed: 10. |
Rootsy
KnottyLocks.Tk
Global User
Registered: 10-2009
Posts: 81
Karma: 0 (+0/-0)
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you asshole is going to be on fiyahhh. enjoy! 
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10/13/2009, 7:08 am
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JhanisMum
Home Dreaducator
Global User
Registered: 11-2006
Location: North Wales,uk
Posts: 6099
Karma: 179 (+220/-41)
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Re: I just ate half a jar of chili sauce...
An interesting study.Do let us know the results.
--- Maya maya,
All this world is but a play,
Be thou the joyful player.
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10/13/2009, 10:55 am
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owlbear
KnottyLocks.Tk
Global User
Registered: 09-2009
Location: ontario
Posts: 282
Karma: 0 (+1/-1)
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chili sauce + forty of malt liquor yields more interesting results.
you should try.
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10/13/2009, 11:11 am
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Jops
Moderator
Global User
Registered: 02-2005
Location: next to some brown people
Posts: 6662
Karma: 365 (+378/-13)
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Re: I just ate half a jar of chili sauce...
So the call was made... my father had worked a fourteen hour day and I wasn't about to make him wait another half hour for me to take care of my own problems.
I clenched my resolve and climbed into my car...
All was going well at first. Caught two green lights, made my first turn, little bit of traffic but no big deal... red light. Okay... I tapped the wheel patiently... (gurgle gurgle gurgle) cue gut wrenching burning twist, the engineer below called up on the horn,
"BOSS! BOSS! WE GOT A MAJOR SITUATION GOING ON HERE! IT IS MY PROFESSIONAL OPINION THAT YOU PULL OVER NOW!"
But I held on,
"OH ****, HE'S HOLDING ON! IM GETTING MY CREW OUT OF HERE NOW, GO GO GO."
Green light, the asshole in front of me crawls ahead with absent acceleration, probably listening to enya and thinking about banging somebody at work... I pass him in the right lane (equivalent to left for you brits) and zoom on ahead. My fathers job is less than five minutes away.
I pull into the parking garage and endure another ten minutes of waiting... ten minutes of questioning my own actions... why is chili paste so delicious? Why do I always look for food for the sake eating condiments instead of the other way around? Why do I personify my organs?
"Fight Club, right."
My father sees me and waves, "hey I was waiting over here didn't you see me?"
Sweet jesus.
He gets in and I inform him of my situation, in retrospect we should have switched driving positions for quick evac but hindsight is 20/20 as they say.
"Well Will, if you have to **** your pants I won't tell anybody. Do what you got to do."
I insisted I was fine, pulling out of the garage I was already doubled over and concerned with the burning on the outside of my skin.
I asked him about his day... the pain grew worse with each passing moment, my iron clad grip was holding on by sheer willpower but was beginning to slip. I lost focus of the conversation.
"Go ahead and pull up next to the public bathroom, I'll drive the car back," my father said. I assured him I would be okay since it was only another 30 steps from the parking spot, "well okay if you think you can walk but I think you are making a mistake."
I catch the last three red lights on the way home, I was muttering to myself, "sweet jesus," and "it burns..."
(I think I should mention that I drive a clutch which meant a balancing act of closed legs)
When I pulled home I immediately opened the door and proceeded for the bathroom as fast as my legs could lung without undoing my efforts. I think it was in this moment that I understood the old expression, "hardship is how we earn our souls," if thats the case chili-paste is a quick ticket to the celestial plane.
****ing door is code-locked and of course I grab for the handle before the input ins complete and have to do it twice. I burst inside and examine the stalls.. one looked like the guy before me had had a similar religious experience, the next traces of pubic hair, the third was jussssst right but I had other kinds of porridge in mind.
I won't go into too much detail of the final phase only to say that at some point my vision went white and when I woke up it was over...
a little wiser, a little older and with first degree burns
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all my life I wanted to be a little black kid with an afro
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10/13/2009, 4:08 pm
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