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kryllennightengale
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Registered: 07-2003
Location: Nampa Idaho
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Feed Back On Fan Fic
Though some do not like input...
I want to know what people think when they read my work.
So....
If anyone wants to tell me what they think, correct my mistakes, request something, or just say 'hi' you can here.
Thanks,
Kryllen
---
The sword swung in my name shall be swung for the people of the world.
-Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu 1st Principle
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7/20/2003, 5:58 pm
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kryllennightengale
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Re: Feed Back On Fan Fic
I'm workin'on it Big Momma!
---
The sword swung in my name shall be swung for the people of the world.
-Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu 1st Principle
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7/21/2003, 12:07 pm
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Satoita
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Re: Feed Back On Fan Fic
Kakoi!!! That story is really cool!! Yes, keep writting. : :
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~The Sapphire Pirate~
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7/21/2003, 1:48 pm
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AnimeGirlMika
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Re: Feed Back On Fan Fic
I like it  Keep writing!
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~[Sanji-obsessed Mika]~
"未来だけ信じてる誰かが嘲【わら】ってもかまわない" - BELIEVE by Folder 5
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7/21/2003, 1:51 pm
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kryllennightengale
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Re: Feed Back On Fan Fic
Did ya like Diagoro's little bout with Iwanbou? I hope so, I really don't know how I came up with it...random fun I guess == anyways, have fun readin' and get ready for the upcoming battle!!!
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The sword swung in my name shall be swung for the people of the world.
-Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu 1st Principle
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7/24/2003, 7:29 pm
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Hunam15
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 Re: Feed Back On Fan Fic
Since I took ENGL 111 Tech Writing, I can't really help but critique things like this...even if they ARE fan fics. 
In any case... bad stuff first.
BAD POINTS:
First thing's first(you may remember me telling you this a year ago. I'm not being mean, this just annoys the heck outta me and I'm being an arse. )
LERN 2 SPEL DAIGORO!!
^ See that?! A before I just like in Sai! :p
And the way you describe dream-sequence or imagination dialogue
leaves the reader guessing what just happened.
Did he see them? Hear a voice?
It leaves the reader scratching his head and moving on.
Not a big problem, just one of those things that get on my nerves. _
GOOD POINTS:
Pretty good. I read over it, I like the style you use in describing the battles.
The dialogue's script-format is easy to read.
The story is original, but fits with the Kenshin saga well.
Almost, some would say, too well...
Bringing in Daigoro was a nice touch.
This side character is almost never used(nobody even knows who he is of the time :P).
But putting him against Iwambou was a good choice,
brains against...complete lack thereof.
EDIT: These message boards are screwy. Completely ignoring my updated sig, AND screwing the text up for those who have been watching in the last 5 minutes, AND where's my the hell coffee?! 
Last edited by Hunam15, 7/24/2003, 10:53 pm
--- -Space Chief//Hunam15-
Watch this space for a better sig.!
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7/24/2003, 10:45 pm
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kryllennightengale
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Re: Feed Back On Fan Fic
Hunam,
Well, at least I got the last nae right (unlike a con chairman we all know.) The dream sequence was explaining that he saw them fighting and heard thier voices (paragraph 3) and alo that he never saw Kenshin, but hear him and figured it was just his brain releasing chemicals as he lost oxygen. (paragraph 5) Of course Daigoro's in it!! Besides, who else could've come up with an attack like that? It was pretty slick, I don't know if even Shisho would've seen it coming! That's D for ya! Anywho, thanks for the reply and take care.
-Kryllen-
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The sword swung in my name shall be swung for the people of the world.
-Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu 1st Principle
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7/26/2003, 1:07 pm
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AnimeGirlMika
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Re: Feed Back On Fan Fic
w00t! I really like the latest installation ^_^ So much suspense!!
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~[Sanji-obsessed Mika]~
"未来だけ信じてる誰かが嘲【わら】ってもかまわない" - BELIEVE by Folder 5
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7/27/2003, 2:10 am
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kryllennightengale
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Re: Feed Back On Fan Fic
thanks, recognize this scene? it's from our cosplay!!!
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The sword swung in my name shall be swung for the people of the world.
-Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu 1st Principle
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7/27/2003, 6:56 pm
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Re: Feed Back On Fan Fic