Rachel TheClarinetist
I'm NOT a penguin!
Global user
Registered: 12-2004
Location: Uncanny Valley
Posts: 3141
Karma: 24 (+25/-1)
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On not being able to connect with people.
I stand behind my eyes and watch the people of the world. I watch them as they move, free and unencumbered, able to reach out and touch each other. I stand and watch from behind the thick glass that has enclosed me since birth, and which leaves me unable to hear the secret words they whisper to each other. It blurs my vision and makes invisible the secret and subtle signs they give each other; their instructions on how to be human; one of them. With the limited clues I have, I try to emulate them, to belong. When I fail, I scream in rage and pain and frustration, but my language is not their language and my invisible barrier means that my screams go unheard.
The people of the world can reach out and touch each other; they can connect. My glass enclosure means that while people can move into my orbit and we can observe each other's worlds for a time, those worlds cannot merge. I would not want them to merge. My world is my own, and to allow others to walk upon its surface would taint it and lead to its eventual destruction. I watch them share confidences and risk betrayal and pain; I watch as they court death, as they invite death by baring their heart for the whole world to see. If I let someone see anything from the depths of me, it is almost always because they have shared something of themselves and I feel I must return the favour. But the glass remains intact; the connection is an illusion created by their need to be close to someone, to anyone. Their fear of being as alone, as separate, as I am, as I have been, as I will be.
However, the glass barrier can be breached at times, if I think that I have found someone who can touch the surface of my world without sullying it. This has happened fewer than five times in my life; and the people who have been allowed in have been ones that I would give my life for.
--- Breathing is important! If you don't breathe, your sound will deteriorate, your phrasing will suffer, and you will die.
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12/24/2005, 1:17 pm
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