BigRedTruck
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Registered: 05-2004
Location: Lubbock
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The Snake Model: The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces
The Snake Model: The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces upon encountering a snake in the area of operations (AO)
AIRBORNE: Lands on and kills the snake.
ARMOR: Runs over snake, laughs and looks for more snakes.
ARMY AVIATION: Has GPS grid of snake. Couldn't find snake. Flies back to base for crew rest and a manicure.
RANGER: Plays with snake and then eats it.
FIELD ARTILLERY: Kills snake, but in the process kills several hundred civilians with massive barrage with three FA brigades in support. Mission is considered a success and all participants (cooks, mechanics, clerks) are awarded the Silver Star.
COMBAT ENGINEERS: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5 series FM about how to defeat snake using counter-mobility assets. Complains the maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake operations.
NAVY S.E.A.L. Expends all ammunition, several grenades, and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety. (SEAL blames bad intel for mission failure.)
AIR FORCE FIGHTER PILOT: Mis-identifies the snake as a Russian HIND helicopter and engages it with missiles. Crew chief paints a snake on airplane.
COMBAT CONTROLLER: Guides snake elsewhere.
PARA-RESCUE: Wounds snake in the first encounter, then feverishly works to save the snake's life.
MARINE RECON: Follows snake and gets lost.
SPECIAL FORCES: Makes contact with the snake, builds rapport, wins its heart and mind, and then trains it to kill other snakes.
ARMY MILITARY INTELLIGENCE: Locates snake without snake knowing. Studies snake and its movements. Reports back to company commander on snake's location and movement. Snake discovers its location has been compromised and disappears. (MI blames poor OPSEC for snake's disappearance and conducts SAEDA training for next six months.)
JUDGE ADVOCATE GENERAL CORP: Advises the snake on the rules of engagement and the law of war as it pertains to the snake and its defensive posture.
CHEMICAL CORPS: Start to gas the little booger, but then realizes that there is an M-18, A-2 Respirator especially made for snakes, remember the Chemical Corps Motto, "UTRWBAG" (Up Their Rear With Bugs and Gas), and conducts three experiments on it that have been strictly prohibited by the Clinton Treaty of 1999.
ARMY QUARTERMASTER: Captures snake, applies a National Stock Number (NSN) to it (that's got to hurt!). Implements a Found on Installation (FOI) procedure and picks up snake on property book. Has company commander sign hand receipt for "Snake, Green, One Each," as non-expendable unit property.
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69 F100 360ci
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6/6/2004, 11:54 pm
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Merlin68F100
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Registered: 12-2003
Location: Austell, GA
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Re: The Snake Model: The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces
Big Red.....To funny
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Merlin 1968 F-100, 360, C6
Life is to short to dance with ugly women, drink cheap wine or drive Chevy trucks.
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6/7/2004, 9:12 pm
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