ButMadNNW
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"In Defense of Kitties" (Doctor Who/Real World crossover)
I wrote this reactionary piece of Who fic after Mel got banned from "A Teaspoon and an Open Mind." Apparently, the moderators reviewed it and deemed it unacceptable, because it never for a moment appeared on the site, and is no longer visible in my account info. I can't imagine why they'd have a problem with it.  Enjoy.
EDIT: I should also mention that I haven't read any of Mel's Who smut and wrote this solely as a show of support.
In Defense of Kitties
(Rose wonders what’s happened to her favorite author and drags Ten and Jack into it.)
"Oi, Doctor!" Rose's voice echoed throughout the TARDIS (no mean feat, considering its size). "C'mere and take a look at this!"
"All right, no need to shout." Ten wiggled a pinky in his ear as he climbed from the hole in the deck next to Rose's feet. “What’s the emergency? Raxacoricofallapatorians again?”
“No.”
“Oh, not the Daleks again?!”
“No.”
“Cybermen?”
“No.”
“Then what?”
“Innocence has disappeared.”
Ten blinked, thrust his hands into his pockets. “Well, yeah, that happens as one grows older. Not much to be done about it.”
Rose shook that off. “I can’t find The Lady in the Fireplace, either.”
She heard the shower’s water turned off. Jack padded quickly into the room, dripping everywhere and wearing nothing but a towel around his waist and another slung about his neck. His drenched hair still had traces of shampoo.
“Did you look...?” he asked, then paused. “Wait. I thought it was The Girl in the Fireplace.”
“No, that’s the episode.”
“Ohh, right.”
“What girl?” Ten was utterly bemused. “Which fireplace? The TARDIS has...” he looked up, silently calculating. “Oh, just shy of a couple hundred fireplaces.”
Rose snapped and smacked him across the back of the head. “No, Innocence the story! The Lady in the Fireplace. They’re fanfiction stories.”
“Oh, you mean that writing thing where fanatical people write stories about telly characters they love just for fun?”
“Yup, and then they post them online to share with other fans. I was really enjoying the stories by this one author, but now I can’t find them.”
“What about Dancing Lessons?” Jack asked.
Rose clicked around the website. “No, that one seems to be missing, as well.”
“Aw, I liked that one.”
“’Course you did. It involved you.”
Jack whipped the towel off his neck and spun it into a tight roll. He held it ready, with the silent threat of rat-tailing Rose. Rose made a teasing face at him and ducked behind the Doctor, who glared Jack down until the captain released the strain on the towel and let it drop.
Safe once more, Rose turned her back on the two men and fiddled with the controls of the screen. “The thing is, there doesn’t seem to be any sign of the author on the site anymore. She’s just disappeared. No mention of why, no warning.”
“Maybe she got bored and deleted everything?” Jack suggested.
“No, she wouldn’t have done that. She was having too much fun. I could tell.”
“Well, there’s a simple solution here,” Ten said. “Whatever happened, there might be a clue in her email.”
“You can’t go through her email!” Rose said.
“Sure I can. Watch this.”
Ten’s nimble fingers flew over the keypads, toggled a switch, and twirled a small wheel. A moment later, a new window appeared on the screen, displaying an e-mail inbox.
“Allons-y!” he exclaimed with a lopsided grin.
“How did you do that?”
“Simple hack. Any 12-year-old human boy can do it,” Ten said. “Well, any 12-year-old human boy from the 21st century. Weeeeellll, any 12-year-old human boy from the 21st century with access to a modem.”
“Doctor?” Rose prompted him back onto the previous train of thought.
Ten peered at the screen, scrolling a bit. “I don’t see anything useful in her Inbox.”
Rose laid a hand on his before he could navigate away from the page. “Don’t you think we should check that folder there, marked ‘WHO!!!’?”
“Why would we do that?”
“Because that’s what they call you,” Rose explained patiently.
“They call me wot?”
“No, Who,” Rose corrected.
“Where?” Jack pushed in between them to examine the screen, dripping water on Rose’s new shirt.
“There.” Rose pointed at the words “Doctor Who” in the window where they’d started.
“When did that start?” Jack asked.
“As near as I can tell, from the moment they first became aware of him.”
“And how did they come up with that name?” Ten mused.
“Because none of us know who you are,” Rose muttered under her breath. She could tell he wasn’t listening, anyway.
“Hm?” Ten asked distractedly.
“I said, ‘I have no idea’.”
Ten pulled out his specs and put them on, leaned into the console, and clicked on the exclamatory folder. He paged through a few of the most recent emails, speed-reading. “Well, it appears that someone protested her use of a certain word in her latest work--” he paused, mouthed the title, blinked, looked at Rose. “She writes ‘Whovian porn’?”
Rose nodded, grinning and waggling her eyebrows.
Ten shook his head and returned his attention to the screen. “Like I was saying, someone protested a word and reported her to a moderator. The moderator asked her in public to remove the word or have her writing deleted.”
“What word?” Rose asked.
“Oh, yeah. Like I’m going to use it and be subject to the same protest.”
“Fair play.” Rose nodded. “They asked her in public? What, in her reviews?”
Ten nodded. “More like demanded, actually.”
“Why not contact her privately, give her a chance to correct it before broadcasting it all over the site?” Jack asked.
“No idea.”
“But I know her,” Rose said. “She would have apologized and corrected her gaff. And I’m sure it was accidental, anyway.”
“It was,” Ten assured her. “And she did apologize. And removed the word. And was thanked for apologizing.”
“Well, then where is she? What happened next?”
“It appears she politely asked that she be contacted privately, via email, in future if something like this happened again, rather than having it broadcast in her reviews.”
Jack and Rose both nodded.
“That’s certainly a more civilized course of action,” Jack opined.
“And what was the response?”
Ten scowled at the screen. “That’s it for the emails... Hang on...” He twirled this knob, toggled that switch, hit a few keys, and spun a wheel. Suddenly, a search engine spat out archived copies of the review pages. “Ahhh. Someone else posted a defamatory review of the same work, and accused her of harassing the moderators.”
Struck speechless (no mean feat), Rose sputtered a few phrases, sprinkled with obvious curses. Fortunately, Ten had known her long enough to decipher her meaning.
“I wholeheartedly agree.”
Jack pushed him aside. “Doctor, you missed some emails. Look, see this one? A warning about abusing mods. Another warning. And then a deletion message.”
(continued)
Last edited by ButMadNNW, 1/6/2008, 2:08 am
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1/6/2008, 1:41 am
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ButMadNNW
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Re: "In Defense of Kitties" (Doctor Who/Real World crossover)
“WOT?!” Rose exclaimed. “When did that happen?”
Jack examined the time stamps. “Looks like the whole thing, from first warning to deletion, was about three hours.”
“That’s ridiculous! No chance for her to respond or anything?”
Shaking his head, Jack fingered the controls. “Just poof, gone, like that.” He clicked his fingers.
Rose threw her arms in the air. “Well, what are we going to do? She was right in the middle of Dancing Lessons! I have to know what happens!”
Jack made placating gestures. “Now, just wait a second.” He dug a bit deeper into the ‘Net, hacking around. “Aha! Good news! I found her InsaneJournal.”
“Yeah? What does she say?”
Ten, having lost interest and moved on to mentally calculating time-space coordinates, lounged in the jump seat, twirling the sonic screwdriver between his fingers and whistling “A Little Less Conversation.”
Jack’s eyes skimmed the webpage, his lips silently forming the words. Rose suppressed a giggle.
Turning to Rose, Jack reported, “There’s a waiting period before she can post, but by Monday, her stories will be on fanfiction.net!”
Both of them squealing, they threw their arms around each other. Shampoo dripped into Rose’s hair as Jack lifted her off the deck plating and spun her around. Ten yawned loudly.
Feet back on the ground, Rose glared at the Doctor. “Don’t knock what you don’t know.”
“Me? Knock the unfamiliar? Never! But...” Ten made a face. “...fanfiction?”
“Right.” Rose strode off into her room.
Jack and Ten watched the corridor into which she’d disappeared with bemusement, wincing at the crash that emanated from the innards of the TARDIS.
Eyes wandering back to the screen, Jack exclaimed. “Oh! It says here to contact her off-list if you want notification of when her stories will be reposted!” Fingers flying, he began composing the email. Ten heard him muttering, “I have to have a copy of Chapter 7 of Dancing Lessons! I wonder if she’d send it to me...”
Rose returned, with mussed hair and dust on her nose, clutching a stack of printouts. She thrust the papers into the Doctor’s hands.
“Here. Read these.”
Ten complied, paging rapidly through the sheets. He paused at one page, snorted. “Oh, right. I wouldn’t have kissed the King for all the francs in Paris. Not that he didn’t want me to, you understand.”
He stood and wandered back into the TARDIS, muttering to himself, absorbed in his reading.
Finis
(No, it’s not my best work. No, I am not the banned author in question, just a friend of hers. And yes, I fully expect this will be the first and last thing I ever post on this site. It may be gone in mere hours; I may be banned myself. But the quality and longevity of the fic were not the points of writing this.)
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1/6/2008, 1:42 am
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ButMadNNW
Chief Inspector
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Posts: 11576
Karma: 171 (+172/-1)
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Re: "In Defense of Kitties" (Doctor Who/Real World crossover)
 
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1/6/2008, 3:22 pm
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