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Venturous
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Re: The Descent (a shortish "fill-in")
I especially love this bit:
quote:
A soft hinge creak and even softer footfalls broke into V’s reverie, and he turned in silence. He watched from the shadows, that new and as yet unexamined feeling again fluttering through him,
Gave me shivers, to realize, yes of course he was watching her. His silent, potent awareness is perhaps the sexiest thing about him.
Give us more, ButMadly! 
---  "There is no certainty, only opportunity." -- V
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9/7/2006, 11:34 am
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Sultana
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Re: The Descent (a shortish "fill-in")
quote:
ButMadNNW wrote:
I love how he always uses the title - he never calls Creedy just "Creedy" - always "Mr. Creedy." - "Mr. Anderson," anyone?  - Yet he says a plain "Sutler"...
I think he uses just "Creedy" once. When explaining to Evey why he didn't leave her at Jordan Tower.
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9/7/2006, 12:03 pm
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ButMadNNW
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Re: The Descent (a shortish "fill-in")
quote:
Sultana wrote:
quote:
ButMadNNW wrote:
I love how he always uses the title - he never calls Creedy just "Creedy" - always "Mr. Creedy." - "Mr. Anderson," anyone? - Yet he says a plain "Sutler"...
I think he uses just "Creedy" once. When explaining to Evey why he didn't leave her at Jordan Tower.
 True. But he never calls him plain "Creedy" to Creepy's face.
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9/7/2006, 12:19 pm
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Sultana
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Re: The Descent (a shortish "fill-in")
lol!
Can you imagine. Scene in Creedy's greenhouse. (Or at the end) V being all serious. But calls him Mr Creepy instead.
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9/7/2006, 12:26 pm
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MelindaKitty
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Re: The Descent (a shortish "fill-in")
quote:
ButMadNNW wrote:
I took a few liberties, made some assumptions, including: (1) that a man who has lived alone for 20 years in a secret, underground lair wouldn't have a guest room, and (2) that Dascombe is smarter than he looks. The comment about "his favorite bust" (no, not that kind of bust!) I lifted from the novelization bits I've skimmed.
I aimed to fill in the blank between when V knocked out Dominic at Jordan Tower and when Evey woke in the Shadow Gallery.
And how well you did!
I can’t believe it’s been almost 8 months and I never read this. Shame on me. I think I’d always kind of meant to, but hadn’t quite gotten to it.
*rolls up sleeves, grinning, and gets into the Viction*
You set your stage well and launch us straight into V’s POV. Though a lot of the scene is internal monologuing, that’s what’s called for here.
quote:
But as he’d hurried to his opening night box, a cry for help shattered the post-curfew silence, a cry a gentleman could not ignore. He would have to be delayed; hopefully not to the point of missing Curtain. He had worked too long for the show to start without him in place.
I do very much like this, and the way you set the stage in theatrical jargon works quite well.
quote:
Thinking back on it, though, he knew there was more. V was aware he’d been showing off for the woman he’d just saved. He wasn’t surprised she’d thought him crazy. Not that it mattered; it was unlikely they’d ever see each other again.
*nitpick* Watch the copulatives, love.
Copulative = I was afraid. The chair was in the room. It was unlikely. These link one noun to an adjective. They're gramatically correct, but what works best is to use as much action and physical movement as possible, thus putting your reader firmly IN the character.
You have strong action language in most of your Viction, which is why this exception stood out here.
*delves back in*
quote:
There are no coincidences, a voice in his mind reminded him.
One of the things I respect about your foray into Viction is that you play by the rules. Too many amateurs try to impose their own wishes and fantasies on a pre-existing world. It BUGS me, and I’m glad you don’t. The liberties you take are entirely appropriate and function well within the expectations of the world.
In a nutshell: Kudos for not screwing up a really cool world, and only enhancing it with your contribution.
quote:
Before he could bother to identify a new feeling stirring within, his decision had been made.
I also love that you hint at the sexual tension and attraction without making him a simpering moon-calf, utterly smitten with her charms. It FEELS like they just met and he’s still feeling the relationship out, which is exactly what should be happening at this point.
*polishes ButMad’s halo*
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He quickly pressed the call button for the lift, then froze as her soft, warm breath found the crack between the high collar of V’s tunic and the bottom edge of the mask.
Ooooooooooooooooooh! Shmexy! It’s the little things like this that build the tension. You get an extra gold star for being able to build sexual tension when one of the people involved is UNCONSCIOUS.
No small feat, that.
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There was something about feeling the weight of her in his arms… But here was the lift.
And once again, you keep him from mooning or swooning. Good on you!
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He input the security code he’d hacked out of Dascombe’s personal computer files and shouldered open the hidden steel door.
And V’s casual competence paired with his in-depth knowledge of the inner workings of almost everything make HIM sexy. I saw this in the movie; he knows people better than they know themselves. THAT, not the knives and the “fancy karate gimmicks” or super speed, is his super-power. He knows who to manipulate and where to gamble to realize his plans, and has the will to make it happen. He's a catalyst for positive change and the puppet master we all WISH were loose in the world.
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V paused briefly to adjust his cloak so that it draped over Evey’s unconscious form.
*swoons at the casual chivalry* I love that you don’t smack this hard, just let it be what it is; the almost unconscious nature of his empathy for others. It’s the softer side of his superpower; he genuinely knows what Evey needs and is willing to go to extremes to make sure she gets it.
quote:
Now what?
Love THIS too! You don’t take yourself too seriously, or rely on excessive drama to make your plot turn. That’s the mark of a really good writer; lack of Control Freak Syndrome. You let your characters be who they are.
quote:
Besides, the Sheriff was waiting at the forest’s edge to snatch away this Maid Marian.
Again, you take the metaphor and run with it. KUDOS!
quote:
Automatically, his hands lifted to remove the Guy Fawkes mask, but stopped in the midst of loosening it as he remembered he was no longer alone. He had no idea how long Evey would remain unconscious, and did not want to be caught unaware and unmasked.
This works VERY well too. Ruminating can be the death of a good plot, but with yours I always have a keen sense of the gears turning: forward motion. And THAT is why it works.
quote:
V stood, straightened his tunic, and stepped into place in the main room, a respectful distance from his confused guest…
Technically a “tunic” is a sleeveless or short-sleeved vest. What V wears is a “doublet”.
BUT!!!!
This is an absolutely perfect ending.
WELL DONE, BUTMAD!!!!!
YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*parades ButMad around on her shoulders*
I hope you’re pleased with this offering; you should be.
--- 
"Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence."
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11/15/2006, 9:10 pm
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krydiam
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Re: The Descent (a shortish "fill-in")
Butmad really knows how to explain and add in a so
high end literate way everythingh she says that I just
say;
keep it cooming. You will be always a surprise.
I feel a troglodite when I read your posts. 
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11/16/2006, 1:39 am
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Venturous
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Re: The Descent (a shortish "fill-in")
troglodyte, (n):
a person who lives in a cave
a hermit
one who is deliberately ignorant or old-fashioned
Well, lets see, we hang out underground in the Shadow Gallery, our Hero lives the life of a hermit, a monastic, and he reveres the Old Ways...
how is this a put-down? 
--- "There is no certainty, only opportunity." -- V
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11/16/2006, 8:51 am
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Cobralily
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Re: The Descent (a shortish "fill-in")
i just read this and i demand more!!!! it was wonderfully written and enthralled me.
--- How do I love \/? Let me count the ways!
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12/3/2006, 1:56 am
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