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MelindaKitty wrote:

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ButMadNNW wrote:

I aimed to fill in the blank between when V knocked out Dominic at Jordan Tower and when Evey woke in the Shadow Gallery.

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And how well you did!

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I can’t believe it’s been almost 8 months and I never read this. Shame on me.

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*rolls up sleeves, grinning, and gets into the Viction*

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But as he’d hurried to his opening night box, a cry for help shattered the post-curfew silence, a cry a gentleman could not ignore. He would have to be delayed; hopefully not to the point of missing Curtain. He had worked too long for the show to start without him in place.

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I do very much like this, and the way you set the stage in theatrical jargon works quite well.

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Thinking back on it, though, he knew there was more. V was aware he’d been showing off for the woman he’d just saved. He wasn’t surprised she’d thought him crazy. Not that it mattered; it was unlikely they’d ever see each other again.

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*nitpick* Watch the copulatives, love.

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what works best is to use as much action and physical movement as possible, thus putting your reader firmly IN the character.

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There are no coincidences, a voice in his mind reminded him.

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One of the things I respect about your foray into Viction is that you play by the rules.

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Too many amateurs try to impose their own wishes and fantasies on a pre-existing world. It BUGS me, and I’m glad you don’t. The liberties you take are entirely appropriate and function well within the expectations of the world.

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In a nutshell: Kudos for not screwing up a really cool world, and only enhancing it with your contribution.

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Before he could bother to identify a new feeling stirring within, his decision had been made.

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I also love that you hint at the sexual tension and attraction without making him a simpering moon-calf, utterly smitten with her charms.

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It FEELS like they just met and he’s still feeling the relationship out, which is exactly what should be happening at this point.

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*polishes ButMad’s halo*

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He quickly pressed the call button for the lift, then froze as her soft, warm breath found the crack between the high collar of V’s tunic and the bottom edge of the mask.

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Ooooooooooooooooooh! Shmexy! It’s the little things like this that build the tension. You get an extra gold star for being able to build sexual tension when one of the people involved is UNCONSCIOUS.

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There was something about feeling the weight of her in his arms… But here was the lift.

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And once again, you keep him from mooning or swooning. Good on you!

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He input the security code he’d hacked out of Dascombe’s personal computer files and shouldered open the hidden steel door.

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And V’s casual competence paired with his in-depth knowledge of the inner workings of almost everything make HIM sexy.

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he knows people better than they know themselves.

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THAT, not the knives and the “fancy karate gimmicks” or super speed, is his super-power. He knows who to manipulate and where to gamble to realize his plans, and has the will to make it happen. He's a catalyst for positive change and the puppet master we all WISH were loose in the world.

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V paused briefly to adjust his cloak so that it draped over Evey’s unconscious form.

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*swoons at the casual chivalry*

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I love that you don’t smack this hard, just let it be what it is;

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Now what?

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Love THIS too! You don’t take yourself too seriously, or rely on excessive drama to make your plot turn. That’s the mark of a really good writer; lack of Control Freak Syndrome. You let your characters be who they are.

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Besides, the Sheriff was waiting at the forest’s edge to snatch away this Maid Marian.

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Again, you take the metaphor and run with it. KUDOS!

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Automatically, his hands lifted to remove the Guy Fawkes mask, but stopped in the midst of loosening it as he remembered he was no longer alone. He had no idea how long Evey would remain unconscious, and did not want to be caught unaware and unmasked.

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This works VERY well too. Ruminating can be the death of a good plot, but with yours I always have a keen sense of the gears turning: forward motion. And THAT is why it works.

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V stood, straightened his tunic, and stepped into place in the main room, a respectful distance from his confused guest…

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Technically a “tunic” is a sleeveless or short-sleeved vest. What V wears is a “doublet”.

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BUT!!!!
This is an absolutely perfect ending.
WELL DONE, BUTMAD!!!!!
YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*parades ButMad around on her shoulders*
I hope you’re pleased with this offering; you should be.

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I'm going to be permanently red by the time you're done with me.

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*is tickled every shade of pink*

*blushes like only the pale-skinned can*

*runs out of words*

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Venturous wrote:

(having taken careful innuendo lessons from Leda, I cannot resist:)

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Vivified wrote:

Butmad, I read this last night and was very, very impressed at how you were able to portray the essence of V so magnificently.

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I have often wished for more information on that scene from the movie. Now I feel like I have received a wonderful backstory to that.

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IMO you captured V's mind and "elan" just perfectly! When will you be writing more?

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ButMadNNW wrote:

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MelindaKitty wrote:

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Thinking back on it, though, he knew there was more. V was aware he’d been showing off for the woman he’d just saved. He wasn’t surprised she’d thought him crazy. Not that it mattered; it was unlikely they’d ever see each other again.

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*nitpick* Watch the copulatives, love.

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In my defense (such as it is), this was almost literally a first draft. *ducks, anticipating tomatoes*

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I woke up that morning, and it was written. I just had to put the words on the paper, and IIRC, there was almost no fiddling before I posted it.

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There are no coincidences, a voice in his mind reminded him.

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One of the things I respect about your foray into Viction is that you play by the rules.

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Well, yeah. It's not my world. ....... But how exactly does your comment relate to what you quoted?

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Too many amateurs try to impose their own wishes and fantasies on a pre-existing world. It BUGS me, and I’m glad you don’t. The liberties you take are entirely appropriate and function well within the expectations of the world.

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I feel a bit like Christine being complimented by Erik in Kay's Phantom...

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She liked it! Melinda liked it!

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I mean, geez! It takes them two hours of our time and a year of their own to simply say "I love you." - At the point when my little viction takes place, they've known each other less than 24 hours and each saved the other. Only so much can realistically happen in that time.

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Also, for all we know, V has been a complete (social) hermit over the past 20 years. I figured his emotions weren't "developed" enough that he'd instantly realize he was attracted to her (or something like that - I'm having trouble saying what I mean).

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Which also goes back to my use of theatrical language - working off the assumption that he wasn't lying to Delia and had lost at least some of his memory, and adding that to the 20-year obsession/living underground, I was banking that his thought processes and ways of interacting with the world/people were shaped by the books and movies he so loved.

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he knows people better than they know themselves.

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Sayeth Finch.

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I love that you don’t smack this hard, just let it be what it is;

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Overselling is annoying. Remember that "gospelly guy" at the TSO concert?

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*is honored and flabbergasted*

*can't think of anything to say*

*just grins*

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Besides, the Sheriff was waiting at the forest’s edge to snatch away this Maid Marian.

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Again, you take the metaphor and run with it. KUDOS!

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I also saw that as an indicator of how close V may be to the edge of madness - reality and fiction blurring.

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*is tickled every shade of pink*

*blushes like only the pale-skinned can*

*runs out of words*

You made my day when I first read this, and because I re-read it just now, this day is made, also.

SQUOOBLE!!!

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MelindaKitty wrote:

Finally gets back to this.

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In my defense (such as it is), this was almost literally a first draft. *ducks, anticipating tomatoes*

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No tomatoes, just a nitpick.

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And you should take it as a compliment that I like it enough to pick you.

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*nods* Those are the best ones. M'self, I write best when the words come without prodding. I feel more like a combination director/stenographer than a writer.

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The best stuff makes me laugh and cry as if I were reading someone else's words and not my own.

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I feel a bit like Christine being complimented by Erik in Kay's Phantom...

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*is tickled at the reference* I assume that's a good thing.

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I mean, geez! It takes them two hours of our time and a year of their own to simply say "I love you." - At the point when my little viction takes place, they've known each other less than 24 hours and each saved the other. Only so much can realistically happen in that time.

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*nodnodnodnodnod* EXACTLY! And this is why this makes me happy - you never lose sight of WHEN and not just WHERE we are.

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Overselling is annoying. Remember that "gospelly guy" at the TSO concert?

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*rolls eyes until she hurts self*

Unfortunately, YES, I remember.

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*in light of Vivified's well-deserved appreciation, offers ButMad another polishing-cloth for her literary halo*

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freedom4ever wrote:

Well that made my day!

Everything I would have commented on has already been said, but I will add my own compliments!

Brilliant, what I've been waiting for! I already knew about your talent but WOW! Beautifully descriptive and a good three or four moments that sent actual shivers down my spine!

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Do you do requests?

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*pokepokepoke* write more NOW!

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