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ButMadNNW
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Registered: 03-2006
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Posts: 11576
Karma: 171 (+172/-1)
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Re: Jokes
quote:
pwsull wrote:
"Well," says little Johnny, "it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."
quote:
Bohwea wrote:
NNW can't come to the phone right now, but she asked me to ask everyone here to specifically post blonde-jokes, as they are her absolute favourite.
 Double-wench.
All right, fine. As a natural blonde who has had to put up with "dumb blonde" jokes her entire life, and hates them because she herself is not dumb, I shall take the rights of firing the first volley.
(BTW, the stupidest person in my office, IMHO, is a non-natural redhead - she was just in here showing off her stupidity. )
===
On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested she move to economy since she didn't have a first class ticket.
The blonde replied, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving."
Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak to her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section.
Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving.
The co-pilot returned to the ****pit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this."
He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?"
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked the captain what he said to her. The captain replied: "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."
Lifted from this site.
===
In other news:
Q: How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?
-- 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
-- 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
-- 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
-- 1 to move it to the Lighting section
-- 2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
-- 7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
-- 5 to flame the spell checkers
-- 3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
-- 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ...
-- another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
-- 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
-- 15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
-- 19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
-- 11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
-- 36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
-- 7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
-- 4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
-- 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
-- 13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
-- 5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
-- 4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
-- 13 to say "do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
-- 1 to hijack the thread and ask how to change the horn
-- 1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
(Aren't you glad we're not one of those forums?)
And for more lightbulb fun....
Last edited by ButMadNNW, 6/23/2006, 2:02 pm
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6/23/2006, 1:59 pm
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friendlysolarflare
Detective Sergeant
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Registered: 04-2006
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Re: Jokes
quote:
ButMadNNW wrote:
"I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."
Edit: whoa I'm a Vixen now!
Last edited by friendlysolarflare, 6/23/2006, 2:19 pm
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6/23/2006, 2:18 pm
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ButMadNNW
Chief Inspector
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Registered: 03-2006
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Re: Jokes
quote:
friendlysolarflare wrote:
Edit: whoa I'm a Vixen now!
HUZZAH! Congrats!
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6/23/2006, 3:03 pm
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friendlysolarflare
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Re: Jokes
Thanks ButMad. When I first joined this board, I thought I'd be making 5 or 10 posts at max - that line was crossed a long time ago 
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6/23/2006, 3:08 pm
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ButMadNNW
Chief Inspector
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Re: Jokes
Look who you're talking to - I've held strong as 2nd highest poster ever since Boh performed her disappearing act...
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6/23/2006, 3:31 pm
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Leda74
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Re: Jokes
You're still behind me, woman. There's no shame in it, really there isn't. If waffling were an Olympic sport, I'd have been buried under the weight of gold medals by now.
--- "What is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil" - Friedrich Nietzsche
"V For Vendetta" Shrine
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6/23/2006, 3:37 pm
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friendlysolarflare
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Re: Jokes
Just found this blonde-joke going through my mailbox:
A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher.
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cries.
The 911 dispatcher says, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes."
Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher's telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again.
"Never mind," giggles the blonde, "I got in the back seat by mistake."
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6/23/2006, 3:41 pm
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ButMadNNW
Chief Inspector
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Posts: 11576
Karma: 171 (+172/-1)
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Re: Jokes
quote:
Leda74 wrote:
You're still behind me, woman. There's no shame in it, really there isn't. If waffling were an Olympic sport, I'd have been buried under the weight of gold medals by now.
I'm quite proud of my 2nd place status, actually. I don't think I've ever done this much public babbling before in my life! 
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6/23/2006, 3:48 pm
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friendlysolarflare
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Re: Jokes
quote:
ButMadNNW wrote:
I'm quite proud of my 2nd place status, actually. I don't think I've ever done this much public babbling before in my life!
The bit about the public babbling fits perfectly on me too 
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6/23/2006, 3:53 pm
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V Dazzled
VEEK
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Registered: 03-2006
Location: NorCal
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Re: Jokes
Three guys are sitting in a pub. Two are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains silent.
After a while one of the first two men turns and says, "Well, what about you? What sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys are amazed. "Wow! What happened?!"
The third fellow took a long swallow of beer, sighed, and replied, "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ralph returns home from the Doctor and tells his wife that the Doctor told him he has only 24 hours left to live. Given this dire prognosis, Ralph asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees to, and they make love.
Six hours later, Ralph goes to his wife. "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. One more time?"
She says "OK", and they do it again.
Later, as Ralph gets into bed he looks at his watch and realizes that he has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder -- "Just one more time before I die?"
"Of course, dear."
Afterward, the wife rolls over and falls asleep. Ralph, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns until he's down to 4 hours. He taps his wife's arm, who rouses.
"Honey, I have only 4 more hours left. Do you think we could... ?"
At this point, his wife sits up and says, "Listen, Ralph. I have to get up in the morning. You don't."
--- "My turn!"  |
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6/28/2006, 9:37 pm
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