BlackBehemoth
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Gene Simmons Suspected in 'Mini-Kiss' Slavery Ring
A special two-hour "Dateline NBC" airing this Friday (April 2) at 8 p.m. ET/PT will reportedly attempt to explore the allegations linking long running rock band KISS frontman Gene Simmons to a slavery ring.
Mini-Kiss. an all vertically challenged performance ensemble and KISS frontman Gene Simmons are at the center of a slavery ring controversy. MIni Kiss, who mimic KISS's legendary live act wearing accurate makeup and playing on cardboard instruments have been steadily gaining more publicity and coverage. What started as novelty has now grown into a wildly popular and successful club circuit act, and will even be featured in an upcoming AOL webcast. For Mini-Kiss it seemed things were only getting better, but now recent discoveries have cast a dark shadow over their rising star.
Linda Carson, activist and spokesman for AFTVC (Awareness For The Vertically Challenged), while compiling a report on 'Dwarf Exploitation' made the disturbing discovery as she followed Mini-Kiss on their latest tour. "I initially joined the cross country tour to investigate and research how the vertically challenged members of the band were being exploited because of their 'special nature' for the entertainment of bar patrons across the country. I wasn't prepared for what I really found on that tour." Linda reveals in an exclusive interview.
KISS bassist and dubious businessman Gene Simmons has emerged as the villain in this dramatic case. In reports filed with various law enforcement agencies and civil rights groups nationwide, Gene SImmons is alleged to have enslaved the members of Mini-Kiss and put them to work entertaining crowds while hoarding the profits. "I first discovered the shocking truth when i went to tuck the little fellas in for sleep one night" Carson reveals, "I entered their trailer and found all of them locked in cages, miniature of course, while Gene sat at his desk renaming the chapters and rearranging the paragraphs in Sex, Money, KISS and hosting a conference call about opening inner-city support centers to aid financially challenged families earn enough income to be able to afford KISS Krap. While Gene was distracted I snuck over to Mini Gene's cage and asked him what was going on. He told me a heartwrenching tale of fame, fortune, and one mans unquenchable thirst for money."
According to Mini Gene things were, for a time, good. Mini-KISS was getting wide coverage and selling out venues across the country. But after one fateful sold out show in a hollywood club last October, things would change for the worse. "We had a great show that night, sold out venue, perfect crowd. It couldn't have been better," Mini Gene remembers "When we finished our set we walked backstage, and there he was, our idol Gene Simmons. It was like a dream come true ya know? The Man had come to see our show. What a great guy we all thought. He joked with us, partied with us, told us how much he liked the idea and execution. It made us feel really great about ourselves, and made us even more determined to keep Mini-Kiss going strong. Thats when the promoter came into our room with our pay.... Once Gene saw the money we were making, he went quiet and his eyes turned to fire. I asked him what was wrong and he glared at me and said 'Nothing will be wrong in a minute' He then took out his cellular phone and excused himself. A half hour later our door gets kicked in and Gene storms in followed by a group of heavies weilding cattle prods and they wrangled us into KISS branded Dog Cages. Ever since then we've been restrained, fed, and cleaned with leftover stocks from the failed KISS Pet Kare line."
The coming months would be filled with suffering and terror for the members of Mini-Kiss. Not content to not make a dollar on anything KISS related Gene would force Mini-Kiss to perfom show after show, while taking all the money and giving the members little more than enough food to keep them alive to perfom again. The members were beaten, humiliated, tossed, and forced to wrestle on a daily basis. They performed under threats of further violence and being used as living dress up dolls for Simmons' daughter. After discovering the captivity, Carson waited until Simmons had exhausted himself from masturbating to his own image in the mirror and freed the Mini-Kiss members.
Los Angeles District Attorney Martin Goldstein announced that no charges are being filed at a press conference this morning as he adjusted the wrist band on his brand new diamond encrusted rolex. NBC reporters managed to arrange an interview with Simmons at his home. After two hours of promoting his recently finished new book 'Copulation, Currency, Kiss' and detailing his plans to manipulate several world charities and the Unite Nations to install himself as the god of Africa, Gene finally answered questions about the slavery scandal. "Making money off KISS songs without playing bass, going on stage, or any of the other hassles....why would i ever do that" Gene said while touching up his manicure with a KISS emery board. "Just what kind of person do you think I am?"
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A slightly modified version of a parody story I posted on Blabbermouth on April Fool's Day, which is why the Dateline air-date is not current. I wrote it after reading the news about Dateline airing a kurt cobain special, and then I read a mini-kiss article and wrote this little parody on a whim.
It was never totally finished, so feel free to add anything to it.
Enjoy, and don't be too critical 
Last edited by BlackBehemoth, 5/1/2004, 1:21 am
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5/1/2004, 1:19 am
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