ryoko
Registered user
Global user
Registered: 07-2003
Location: 6 feet under
Posts: 150
Karma: 0 (+0/-0)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
My Beginning or End?
Sometimes, I know I seem to like to piss and moan about things. I tell you all I hate to do it, but it doesn't seem to stop me. Whether I just like to or I really don't know what I'm doing, I don't know.
Sometimes, things I say seem far-fetched. Even I can't believe they happen, but they do. I try to be as honest as I can, despite what people really want to hear and see. Even people that I'm terrified of. People that don't even know it. They must have some clue though. I mean, obvious signs seem to appear whenever I think about things I do. Somethings that I say I don't mean to do, I guess in realty... I do mean to. That hint of rebellious behaviour, the one I say is just me, might just be done for the sake of rebellion. I'm not really sure anymore though. It's like a poem-like-thing I found in a friend's away message:
"In life all too often we pretend to be what we could not possibly be. In ways it is to fit in with the majority, most of the time it will never feel real, always holding a feeling of being hollow, imitation. Then as time goes on we start to believe that this is who we really are, the whole time hiding our true selves so well we even hide it from ourselves....."
I think that's what happened to me. I look back on who I used to be, and see I was just a normal kid. A kid who hated school with a deep passion, loved P.E. and recess, loved to listen to the current music, and to hang out with the popular kids. I had all of that until fourth grade. I guess then... Everything began to unfold.
---
"You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm. "--Colette
|
|
11/14/2003, 4:37 pm
|
Send Email to ryoko
Send PM to ryoko
AIM
MSN
Yahoo
|
ryoko
Registered user
Global user
Registered: 07-2003
Location: 6 feet under
Posts: 150
Karma: 0 (+0/-0)
|
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: My Beginning or End?
My school was actually really advanced socially. You had a boyfriend or girlfriend or you really weren't cool. That, or you were just too hot to pick one person. There weren't goths, ganstas, wiggers, preps, or anything like that; it all came down to being cool or not. If you were cool, you were popular and vice versa. No one wanted to be excluded from being popular then, not even me.
Then, if you heard the name Jordan Malott and could say you knew her, you were considered lucky. I was one of the girls who had the awesome and totally hot boyfriends, (at the time) wonderful looks to equal her guy, and had killer grades to brag about. I was at the top though. Loved by all the guys and my friends, but hated by all the fangirls of the hottest boy in the fourth grade.
His name was Beau. He had the looks, grades, and money. The perfect guy for anyone. Problem was, he only ever liked me. Had from 1st to that year. But I had my guy. His name was Ryan, and he was the second hottest guy ever in the school. Ryan and Beau were part of a threesome of hotties. My best friend at the time, James, was the third. They were all best friends and wanted by practically everyone. It was the same with Ryan and James's girls, me and Ariel. But Beau liked me.
But that was the year, Ryan and I broke up. He had issues with sticking to one girl the last year, and finally hooked up with another while with me. That made us finished. I was sad. Really. Ryan was too because then, everyone hated him. No one wanted to hang with him, not even Beau and James. They took my side. I look back now, and wonder why Beau waited for the very day of him moving to tell me that he had liked me. I was practically in tears when he told me though. It was over the phone, right before he moved. I had managed to hold my tears back long enough to tell him that I would miss him and bye. That was the last time we have ever talked, even though he goes to my school now... But there are reasons to that, which I'll get to later...
That year only got worst for me. Half way in the middle, I got in trouble for "lying about a homework assignment". My parents even had a conference with the principal about it all. Saying that I couldn't have turned it in so quickly after getting a "HMMM?" note. But it was math, and I used to be a whiz at math. Loved it. That time I actually hadn't lied though. But afterwards, I kept forgetting thing and lying to my teachers. Got caught several times in them, but never brought it up with my parents again.
I was in a Student Council then. I should have known, right there and then that I had sparked an idea in my mother's head for achieving high, and that my father had gotten his picture perfect daughter started. I guess I missed the signs... It was at the end of the year that I think I began to see.
I had another boyfriend. It was James. He and Ariel broke up and we hooked up. It seemed natural though, we always talked and stuff so it worked. But then, I guess I was slacking. I never remembered my council duties and always was yelled at by the leading teacher and my parents whenever I got a note sent home. I didn't care about the teacher though, he was being transfered to work at juvi or something... He was good at yelling and making people cry, so I could see him working there perfectly. But I guess that got to James. To have a girl who was always messing up. So, he broke up with me. Didn't stop us from being friends the next year, but for the rest of the year, we didn't even look at each other when we didn't have to. I really didn't care the next year though. I had gotten re-elected into student council as Sargent of of Arms just like my cousin Amanda did the year before, and James didn't get re-elected at all. He did though, get hooked up with Ariel again. I didn't care though, the year was over.
---
"You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm. "--Colette
|
|
11/14/2003, 5:01 pm
|
Send Email to ryoko
Send PM to ryoko
AIM
MSN
Yahoo
|
Add a reply
Powered by AkBBS 0.9.5b - Link to us
- Blogs
- Hall of Honour
- Chat
Click here to get your own free message board
|
You are not logged in (login)
Board's time is: 11/25/2009, 12:22 pm
|
|
|
