Lilly
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Registered: 06-2003
Location: Out.
Posts: 11
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Innocence
Innocence
Hand touching hand,
Lips lightly touching lips
Purely, sweetly, softly
Like the gentle caress of a butterflies wings upon a flushed colored cheek
Rose bud lips brushing softly against yours
Innocence
Pure, sweet, soft
Turning,
Oh so quickly to passion
Roughly moving and grabbing
Heavy breath upon one another’s flesh
Tongues entwining like vines
Teeth biting your bottom lip
Breaking skin
Tasting sweet blood as it seeps from one being to another
Fingers raking slowly over your chest
Leaving long passionate lines of love down your body
Moans of pain and pleasure ripping from your lips
Passion
Heavy, rough, body’s interlocking.
Turning,
Oh so quickly to love
Holding, caring, hoping
Body’s and minds as one
Never wanting to let go as you run your fingers through silky strands of hair
Worrying that they may let go
May leave you with the thoughts that plague your mind
Yet knowing, that no matter what
Your love will be eternal
As you brush your lips against their sleeping head
Like the gentle caress of a butterflies wings upon a flushed colored cheek
Innocence
---
Lilly.
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12/24/2003, 3:02 am
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wanderingsoul
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Registered: 07-2003
Location: Wandering
Posts: 403
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Re: Innocence
Lilly, that is a WONDERFUL poem. I love how innocence turns to passion, passion to love and love to innocence. There are MANY things I love about this poem's structure. I
I love the way you use these three lines.
"Purely, sweetly, softly" (for innocence)
"Roughly moving and grabbing" (cor passion)
"Holding, caring, hoping" (for love)
Love how you did that. *grins* Am inarticulate as hell tonight. But the first thing that I noticed about this poem was how you structured it. It was well designed, with themes and rhythms that repeat--yet are irregular enough to not seem contrived.
Beyond all that, though, you captured new love perfectly: how it goes from an innocent touching of hands and lips to "tongues entwining like vines" (loved that!) to "moans of pain and pleasure" to that feeling that "your love will be eternal." Perfectly described.
Lilly, this is one of the best poems I have read in a while--and it is, in my opinion, definitely your best so far.
---
And by and by my Soul returned to me, And answered "I Myself amd Heav'n and Hell"
Omar Khayyam
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12/24/2003, 10:30 pm
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