wanderingsoul
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Registered: 07-2003
Location: Wandering
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Aaron was still asleep when I woke. I glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It was early, not quite six. It had gotten warmer during the night and Aaron was lying next to me on his stomach with his arm draped across me. A corner of the sheet covered barely a few inches of him, teasing more than concealing.
I lay there for a few moments, letting my gaze wander lazily over him. I wanted to follow my eyes with my fingers, to feel the silky softness, and with my tongue, to taste the salty sweetness of his skin. I knew I could. I knew I could do that, just reach out my hand and touch him, run my fingers down his back and over the tight, smooth cheeks of his ass. And I could lean over him and brush my lips against the back of his neck and let my tongue wander across his shoulders. The invisible barrier that had kept us close but separate had been breached in the night, and I knew he would welcome my touch as much as I would welcome his. But…
I stopped myself in mid thought and slipped out from under Aaron’s arm, taking extra care not to disturb him, and padded to the bathroom. I needed to wash my thoughts away. But as the cool water rained down upon me, I found I could not. Aaron was eighteen and I was thirty-eight. There could be nothing in that combination that would work for longer than an instant. Though why that should matter was another issue. It shouldn’t. Did every sexual encounter have to result in a relationship? Did every relationship have to be forever? What was wrong with a summer dalliance, a vacation from reality—if it was mutually desired? I could vacillate from one side of that debate to the other with equal conviction. Which made the whole thought process useless.
When I emerged from the bathroom, Aaron was standing by the side of the bed, stretching. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of him. He was truly beautiful. And the smile that he turned on me melted my insides.
He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my neck. “Morning,” he murmured against my lips. I slipped my arms around his waist and held him against me for a long moment as we kissed. I didn’t have to look to confirm the desire I felt in his kiss, I could feel it pressing against my thigh.
I pulled away slightly. “Morning,” I said with a smile.
His reaction was immediate, the little furrow appearing between his brows. I could see the confusion in his eyes. He had not expected me to pull away. Not after last night.
“Aaron, I-“
He shook his head and pressed his fingers against my lips. “No. Don’t say it. Please. I don’t want you to say it.” He looked at me, his brow wrinkling, the corners of his lips turning downward.
“No,” he shook his head again. “I know, what you’ll say. I can see it in your eyes. You’ll say that it can’t work. That you have your life and I have mine, and I’ll go home to my parents and then off to college and you’ll go home and back to your job—and there is nothing we can do about that. And I know, I do--that part is true enough. But it could work. It could,” he continued in a rush, as if he expected me to interrupt him.
“I know what I need and you are what I need. And you’ve said I’m good for you, so maybe I’m what you need, too.” His eyes were pleading.
“Haven’t we had fun together? And I don’t mean the sex last night.” His eyes softened and he caressed my cheek with his fingertips. “That was beautiful, wonderful, intense. It’s what I’ve always imagined it could be like.”
He smiled and his eyes sparkled for a moment. “But I mean the things we have done together, the museum, miniature golf, the pool, just talking… It’s all been better than anything.”
I couldn’t disagree with that. “Better than anything” would have been the words I would have used, as well. I couldn’t remember ever having had more fun than I’d had doing those things with Aaron. But---
“And don’t shake your head like that,” he interrupted my thoughts before I could even form them, “because I know how old you are. I saw your driver’s license when you paid for dinner at DiCerbo’s. You’re thirty-eight and I’m eighteen.” He laughed shortly. “There, I’ve said it—and I didn’t burst into flames and you didn’t turn to dust.”
My lips twitched at that image and he smiled and stepped closer to me, pressing against me and rubbing his nose against my neck. “I don’t care about that,” he said against my ear. “You aren’t too old for me.”
He tugged on my earlobe with his teeth. “Only I can decide that, remember? And from the way things were last night, I’m not too young for you. Not if you are honest with yourself.”
He pulled away and looked at me for a moment before looking down. He laid his hand on my chest, right over my heart. “You made love to me. You didn’t just **** me. I could tell the difference. You made love to me.”
He looked up at me and his eyes were pleading once more. “Please, Justin. Don’t make everything all wrong, because it’s not.”
I looked at him for a moment before sighing and covering his hand with mine. I couldn’t say it, couldn’t say any of the things he didn’t want me to say—because I couldn’t feel them. I could think them. I could think all the reasons why it was wrong. I could think all the reasons why it would never work, could never work. But I couldn’t feel them. All I could feel was the truth in what he had said. I had made love to him. Because despite all the things that were also true—that he would go home to his parents and on to college and then onward through any one of the infinite doors that were open to him, while I would go home to my empty apartment, to my life that I needed to find a way to rebuild—at this moment we shared something that was greater than all the things that separated us.
I took him into my arms and held him close against me. After a moment he slipped his hands inside the towel that I had wrapped around my waist and pulled it off, letting it fall to the floor. He smiled and took both of my hands in his and led me to the bed. I smiled back. I went with him willingly, without hesitation, because whatever there was between us, whether it lasted for the rest of the summer or the rest of our lives, at this moment in time it was something that bound us together, something we both needed. And nothing else mattered.
---
And by and by my Soul returned to me, And answered "I Myself amd Heav'n and Hell"
Omar Khayyam
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