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Carly44
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Swapping
I've posted that we are going to Desire Resort this fall. Now, our best friends who were reluctant at first, are going with us. Desire is famous for open sex and swapping, and we had already decided that we would not participate in anything more than a little touching and maybe some of the games. No diseases wanted.
Now that we are going with our best friends, we think there is a good chance that we might go well beyond the usual flirting. We've teased about it in the past, but other than some 'accidental' touching, it hasn't gone further than that.
Just from the comments that have been made (the other guy playfully said to me last weekend that he had dibs on me for the second night), I think we all expect that it will happen, though we haven't really discussed it. What I haven't decided is whether it is something we should discuss in advance, or just wait and see what happens once we get there.
Have any of you been in this situation? What do you suggest?
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6/12/2009, 2:44 pm
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ventanabare
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Re: Swapping
Don't feel comfortable giving any details, but we have relationships with a few other couples where some 'intimacies' are involved. I'd definitely advise a conversation before. If you don't, I guarantee you'll end up having an awkward conversation after. Since anticipation can be kind of exciting too, having a conversation before will make your planning more fun.
Posting in just my bikini undies now
Jane
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6/12/2009, 3:07 pm
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Allie031470a
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Re: Swapping
I'm going in September, I'll tell you about my experience if you want. It will be my first time to a "swingers" type of place.
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6/12/2009, 9:01 pm
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tinlizzievikingfan
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Re: Swapping
i am a "SWINGER"....its always good to talk in advance...and all parties are on the same page...there can be a lot of jealouisies..and you do not need that, especially with two married couples...yes, the anticipation can be very fun...remember, variety is the spice of life...
good luck!!
liz
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6/14/2009, 12:00 pm
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Carly44
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Re: Swapping
Well, my girlfriend and I had 'the talk' this morning.
Here's our thinking:
1) We both want to try it, and with the hot sun and the booze it is inevitable, anyway, and everybody knows it, so it really comes down to ground rules.
2) All activities will be as a group of the four of us only, and whatever we do will be with the others present. None of us will go off privately with the other's fiance (they are engaged, too, and we all get married next year.) and no other couples will be invited to join
3) She and I are going to initiate it the first time the four of us go to the Desire playroom, and start with oral, and after that whatever happens, happens, but if either of us changes her mind, then nothing happens (we can't imagine the guys objecting, but who knows?)
4) If at any point during the week one of us doesn't want to do it anymore, then it stops for everyone with no complaining.
5) We are both on the patch, and none of us has any diseases, so we are not going ask the guys to use condoms.We don't think the guys will object to that.
6) We aren't going to tell the guys until we are on the plane. They must agree to the rules.
7) If all goes well, then after we return we will decide if we want to do it again.
Does that makes sense?
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6/14/2009, 2:12 pm
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JoJoe
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Re: Swapping
Carly
The real question is, does it make sense to you?
Liz
While I respect swinger's position and fun, not all of us are swingers. I might mention that many monogamous couples have very hot and satisfying sex life and find their monogamy to be the spice of life. HAving made love to the same woman alone for decades - the sex is incredible. Yes, I have not experienced the variety of others, yet others have not experienced the intensity and satisfaction I experience.
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6/14/2009, 10:44 pm
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newfieguy
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Re: Swapping
that sounds great carly. pretty much the same for my gf and i when we were in the same situation with our friends. we're not swingers, just had a couple fun nights with another couple. i have one suggestion though. you said you can't imagine the guys not wanting to do it, and you will surprise them on the plane. maybe you and your friend should talk to your own boyfriends before you go. some guys can be really jealous. if you really want to surprise them, you could ask a hypothetical question, like would they ever swap if they had the chance. just don't tell them your plan. just a suggestion.
have a great trip!
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6/15/2009, 6:45 am
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ventanabare
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Re: Swapping
Some terms are just not 'one-size-fits-all'...so when talking about 'swapping' or 'swinging' it probably best to recognize that people have a whole range of experiences, and that terms we use can make it look like there are only a few. This may seem self-serving on my part, but we don't see our relationships as 'swapping' or 'swinging'...we see it as 'including' a few people in highly selective parts of our own fulfilling, long-term intimacy. We 'include' them and they 'include' us...no pressure, no surprises.
I think JoJoe and newfieguy both shared something important. I'd also feel it's important to have a conversation with the guys before the trip has started. Guys have deeply held feelings and values just like we do. It doesn't have to be jealousy that would make a guy hesitant in 'including' others in your intimate relationship...it can simply be a hope he has for an exclusive intimacy with his partner. I certainly know men with this hope and value...straight and gay. Just a thought...I think your guys deserve the time to consider the decision carefully like you and your friend.
Posting in just a towel around my wet hair after my morning swim
Jane
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6/15/2009, 10:23 am
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gaviao
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Re: Swapping
What an interesting topic!
My wife and I have talked about it hundreds of times, by ourselves and with several couples, most of them nudists and open minded, like us.
When we started into nudism, almost 9 years ago at Solare Resort in Baja, Mexico, we've heard for the first time about swinging. We've been at a day cruise owned by an American couple, who told us they were swingers, and from them we learned our first notions about the SW world. They told us the secrets for a successful incursion into swinging are three: Communication, communication and communication.
We were a little shocked, and talked about the possibility of get involved in this apparently exciting activity, and found much more negative reasons than positive.
Second time at the same resort, just 5 months after the first one, we've played some erotic games both in the evening show and in the disco. It was exciting, and we decided it was enough for us, due those games were not just funny, but a good turn-on.
Two years later we went to Caribbean Reef Club, at Cancun, a small resort where about half of guests were into the lifestyle. That time we had some insinuations and direct proposals, we saw live public sex for the first time, we participated again in erotic games, we gave some shows to other people and had some casual touching with other couples. We were satisfied and decided we've reached our own border line. We agreed not to trespassing it.
In the same year (2003) we went to the opening week of Desire Resort. Anabel and I were very "active" in the games, spending most of the time naked or with very provocative clothing. We visited the playroom, just as witnesses, and after some minutes decided it was not the place for us.
One night in the jacuzzi, an American girl, very drunk, tried to flirt with Anabel, who doesn't speak English. She caressed her boobs and tried to lick them, so my wife rescued one of the few words she knew and screamed: "stop, stop!" She wasn't comfortable with that kind of touching, even I was very excited
That night we had a long conversation and decided remain under the same limits we had established previously.
Our second visit to Desire had been perfect, but a detail misted the trip.
Early in the morning of the fourth day, I was reading by the pool waiting Anabel awakes, when a girl approached and started a conversation. She was very insinuating, and I tried to stay as neutral as was possible. Making long story short, she proposed look for a place and have sex in this moment. I kindly denied her invitation, so she went from my side.
When Anabel came from bed, I told about that girl, and she almost couldn’t believe my story. She said I was probably exaggerating.
We haven’t seen her the rest of the day, buy at the evening during the dinner, she and her husband came to our table and asked if they can seat with us. Anabel answered “yes, of course” without thinking twice.
Now, both of them were trying to convince us in swapping. They gave us hundreds of reasons and talked about all the advantages of have a foursome. We rejected, one by one, all their arguments, but after some glasses of wines, they were absolutely uncontrollable; they caressed us under the table and insisted as we were completely stupid not accepting.
We could go out of the restaurant only when we promised meet them at the disco.
On course we went directly to our room and stayed there until the next morning, missing the Mexican Fiesta of that night. Fortunately, they told us they will leave early in the morning.
We felt vulnerable, uncomfortable, and decided not to come again to Desire unless we were in a group with close friends. Since that time, we haven’t had that opportunity. Maybe next year.
We have continued going to adult clothing optional resorts, we like to play erotic games and “casual” touching is part of them. We use to invite some friends to our home and share our nudist jacuzzi. But we’ve remained on this side of our own border line.
We are curious about swapping. There are two girls in our group of friends who are very attractive to me, as well as Anabel likes a lot one of our male friends. But we have several reasons for stay in the same position we fixed some years ago:
We have an incredible family, and a fracture in our relationship would ruin the harmony of our home.
Health is very important for us. Both had a “disordered” sexual life before start to be together, and have been very lucky for not acquire a disease. From Dec 1996, we have had exclusivity in our sexual life, so we think there are no reasons for look for new risks.
We are very good friends, and enjoy games and fantasies. We talk about any topic without limitations. We have had imaginary sex with several partners and had share our dreams, which is a turn on for us.
We have the best sex we have had in our whole life. We’ve experimented techniques, positions, places, accessories, and we think there are years in advance without boring.
In the last 12 years, each time we make love, we perform better. We think experience is a very important fact for a good performance, so we bet the first time with other partner wouldn’t be as good as our sexual sessions.
We respect all those couples who decide going into swinging, but we prefer remain on our agreed situation. We’re happy like this.
Do we need a little of pepper in our relationship? We look for it daily, but in our own pantry.
Excuse us for the length of our dissertation.
A&G
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6/16/2009, 6:23 pm
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Lindaj84
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Re: Swapping
While hubby and I are not swingers at all we are in an open relationship with another couple and have been for 3 years. Before we begin swapping we sat down together and made several rules, however, the only rule which hasn’t been dropped is that “we will not have sex with a new partner.” We have gone to a swinger’s club several times, but we haven’t swapped with anyone else, we only swap with our one couple, no others. We often play with others and all enjoy 4-somes, but with no exchange of partners. With other couples touching is allowed, but only touching, no more. It’s been lots of fun, we all enjoy it and none of us want to mess things up for any reason. Yes, all our friends and my co-workers know about our situation and so does my sister, but I don’t think my Mom knows.
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6/16/2009, 9:16 pm
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